The Third Option

Today on Facebook I saw a comment made by Anna Surowiec, a Krav instructor in the UK that said:

"It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence".

Before I started Krav Maga I was, like many people, approaching confrontation and the threat of it with a certain…stubbornness.

For example. I’d see a group of guys walking down the street and they’d be blocking the pavement so others had to either stop or step into the road. I would usually just walk straight through the middle of them. **

Similarly if I saw some drunk guy being a dick in a pub, I’d make a point of staying exactly where I was and not leaving or making any attempt to remove myself from the scene but neither would I look at him unless he tried to speak to me or “start”.

Finally I’d always try and help my mates out if things went bad. Problem was this was usually if we’d all had a skinful and while on holiday in Crete (where my father retired to) I’ve got drunk and had about 5 fights in 6 years and lost most of them. Reason? Stubbornness and loads of tequila shots and beer don’t really make for a nimble footed, hard hitting bar brawler.

The basic backbone of my problem was that I was too obstinate to react with anything other than bravado and anger. Reason? I was afraid of being perceived as cowardly.

Looking back on a lot of things that I got involved in (I also used to be both a Special Constable and later a paid police officer) it was a lot of luck that guided me through without getting a kicking or worse.

The overlapping effects on my life of the last 2 years with Krav Maga Midlands are that I can now assess a situation without having to prove that I’m blessed with a heroic heart.

My instructors Bartosz, Russell and Al have always said that the best way to defuse or de-escalate a situation is to simply disengage from it. During knife attack training about 18 months ago, Bartosz asked the group, “If someone comes at you with a knife what should you do?”

We hummed and haahed about a suitable answer for a few seconds but he then said, “Run. If you can, just run. You can't win against a knife. But if you can’t run…well, this may help you.”

The principles of Krav for me are that it doesn’t make you a warrior of the bus station/ pub car park/ dark alley. It does instead give you techniques and skills that help you to survive.

At the end of the day the whole thing is geared around survival, not on winning fights.

4 years ago in Crete a guy was robbed at gun point at 3am by a Greek bloke holding a small rifle. I was incensed when I heard this story and talked about wanting to take the gun off him and stick it up his arse. My girlfriend of that time said matter-of-factly, “If you do that and I’m with you and you survive the attempt, you will be single the next morning.”

Disengage and if you can’t disengage, kick to the bollocks or hit to the throat or (as Bartosz so eloquently put it) be a “nightmare” for your attacker so they fear you and back off and then that allows you to disengage.

Now… instead of being stubborn and getting into situations just to prove I had courage, I’m able to assess a situation and not get involved unless I feel it is necessary.

That doesn’t mean that there isn’t a part of me that WANTS to fight and stand my ground and stick up for myself and tell the bullies to go to Hell. But…now I can be a little wiser on simply walking the other way or avoiding a situation that could get ugly.

There is always a 3^rd option.

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** Have to admit I still do this one. Especially if it's outside the McDonalds on the Parade in Leamington Spa between about 11am and 6pm. Go there, you'll see what I mean.

The Park, The Practioners and the Pisshead Who Wanted to Play

Krav Maga Midlands

Night Outdoor Park/ 3rd Party Protection seminar

Friday 19th July 2013

RSC Park, Stratford-upon-Avon

Having attended the Armed Attacker Seminar last February I was hyped up for attending this one too. Bartosz had promised 3 hours of training in how to protect “loved ones” (or in my case “some girl I might pull in a bar one night”) from attack in open spaces such as parks or woodland.

I arrived about 6.30pm and found a lot of guys already there, chatting near the river while Bartosz waited at the gate to shepherd people over. It was mainly club members, with one or two “civilians” thrown in, brought as the hypothetical 3rd parties in need of protection. In all there were about 40 of us.

At around 7pm Bartosz and Russell l got us warmed up and then we split into pairs for the initial “protection” training. This consisted of numbering ourselves 1 or 2, then jogging around the lawn. Bartosz would intermittently bellow “ONE!” or “TWO!” and whoever’s number was called had to find their significant other, and run to stand as a shield in front of them.

Then we had the always enjoyable “slap other people on the head” addition. This meant that while jogging around you could hit anyone within reach. A couple of the civvies didn’t seem to like this too much but it broke the ice and meant we were nicely warmed up for the main session.

After some stretching we split into groups of 3 and worked on protecting someone from perceived or actual attack from ne’er do wells. My partners were a fairly muscley guy and a very small woman. While she was totally gung ho with regard to getting stuck in, her technique needed a little work as she was unable to push either me or the other guy out the way. 

Eventually she cracked it and we had a lovely time shoving each other around. The Educational Block is something I’d forgotten about but a quick reminder session had me coughing and spluttering. It consists of pushing someone away with the palm of your hand and then pushing your fingers into the soft bit just above the top of their rib cage. Not nice!

Later on we had some amusing themes to work with, one of which was shoving your VIP out the way of an oncoming cyclist or skateboarder careening towards you. Very Indiana Jones.

Then it was “protect the VIP” from actual attack. We had to take it in turns to be Attacker, VIP or Defender. Punishment for letting the Attacker actually reach the VIP was 5 push ups. We couldn’t stop until Bartosz shouted, “Switch!” so a lot of grunting, shoving and headlocks were on display as people tired each other out on the grass.

An interesting variant on this was the “VIP Acting Like An Idiot” scenario. In real life, those who are attacked will usually run or stand still but some get lippy and either try to fight as well, shout and scream or wander around like a headless chicken. The most difficult situation was dealing with the oncoming Attacker while simultaneously trying to keep a protective eye on your VIP who was now strolling round like a loose cannon.

Stranglehold techniques were gone through, which aren’t as hard to break as I’d imagined, albeit somewhat complicated with regard to what arm goes where. Imagine a Chinese puzzle but with human limbs instead of wood or string.

After a 5 minute break we then moved on to knife and gun attacks and how to disarm an attacker. Golden rule of training for pistol disarm is NEVER put your finger in the trigger guard…unless you want it broken when your partner twists it out of your hand. Funniest thing was that 4 police officers wandered through the park just as Bartosz was demonstrating by pointing the fake gun at Russell l. Luckily it’s bright yellow (as are 90% of the training pistols) so they didn’t take cover behind trees and push the panic alarms on their Airwave radios for an Armed Response unit to attend.

We then had another quick break and got stuck in to VIP protection against knife, gun or strangling techniques on a pressure drill. This was hard as you had to walk to the left of your partner and attempt to disarm or avoid anyone who was “armed” coming at you. As all 40 of us were in one small area it was very intense but a lot of fun.

As we were getting ready a drunken Chav with a rather flabby belly wandered up and stood near to me watching what was going on. His breath reeked of beer and I was starting to get drunk off the passives when Bartosz asked him, “You OK?” He smiled and went, “Yeah, just interested that’s all” which was fine until he picked up a fake knife and swung it around saying, “So what would you do if I attacked you with this?” Bartosz snatched the knife off him and shoved him away growling, “Just stay away, go!!!” He mooched away with his tail between his legs looking very embarrassed.

This beautiful moment was also caught on film.

As it got dark we then had the “surprise” that we’d been promised. Near the river was a bit of pathway with lots of overhanging trees and dense bushes. Bartosz asked, “Who wants to go first?” and I volunteered. He sent me to stand out of sight while he got 4 or 5 other guys to hide along the path. When he called me back he grinned and went , “Right Lance. Just walk down that path until you come out the other end, OK?”

It was very dark by this point and hard to see. As I set off I saw Charlie Hale come bursting out of the bush to my left, I was about to kick him when he shouted, “Alright mate! You got the time?” I relaxed a little, realising this was the Red Herring and said, “Sorry mate no. You gave me a fright jumping out like that!”

Then a female student came at me with a fake knife. I booted her in the groin and took the knife off her, spinning round to find someone crouching in the bushes. I was about to give a pre-emptive kick when I realised it was Bartosz’s girlfriend Iwona, who was taking photos. Two more lads then came hurtling towards me shouting threats and swearing. I kicked one of them and pushed the other away, warning them with the fake knife I still had and yelled, “JUST FUCK OFF OK!!!”

Bartosz said to back away but that I’d done well and to return to the main group round the other side.

As other guys went through one at a time a group of four elderly people wandered up to see what we were doing. They all had baseball caps on with “STREET PASTOR” printed across the front and were working for the local church, offering spiritual advice to people. To my utter delight they came up just as a student went through the “tunnel” who misunderstood Charlie Hale’s role in the scenario. It went a bit like this:

Street Pastor: “So what are you doing here then?”

Me: “We’re with Krav Maga Midlands, we’re learning about how to protect against attacks in the dark. The guys over there are…”

Charlie: “Excuse me mate, you got the time?”

Student: “F**K OFF YOU C**T!!!”

(GRUNTING. STRUGGLING. SOUNDS OF PUNCHES & KICKS. SOMEONE FALLING DOWN. SWEARING. etc.)

The Street Pastors looked horrified until I reassured them that this was just a scenario and Bartosz was walking behind the student to make sure no one got hurt. It then turned out that one of them was a guy I work with (hey, it was dark!) and we shook hands and had a laugh. I’ll no doubt be ribbed remorselessly over this on Monday morning.**

Then I had a go as a “bad guy” in the bushes and Bartosz said, “Just abuse and push them.”
First guy through was OK, pushing me back and then facing my neighbour who simply stood in his way being a nuisance. The third lad through was a big, Indian bloke and when I shouted, “Think you’re f**king hard do you?!! Come on then!!!” and shoved him, he dropped me with a push kick that sent me on my arse into the bushes.

The last-but-one bloke is a former kickboxer and wanted to have a stand up fight with everyone who tried to “mug” him. This isn’t the principle of Krav Maga but was fun to see as he wouldn’t back down no matter what was thrown at him.

Finally everyone was done and we gathered with the “civilians” and Russell . Bartosz decided to give one last piece of advice and pulled Charlie Hale over and put a fake knife in his hand. He then said:

“A lot of you are trying to take the knife when you see it. If it is only being held, you should do this instead.”

He then slapped Charlie’s knife hand away and booted him in the crotch. Charlie immediately groaned in pain and fell to his knees. Turned out he’d already taken his groin guard off. Bartosz was very apologetic and said, “Sorry I thought you were still wearing it!” while Charlie staggered to one side to recover.

A brilliant night’s training and I really hope to do this again soon.


**(Addendum: I later found out that Ron Ball, Warwickshire county's Police & Crime Commissioner was with them. Christ knows what he thought of it all).

KMM Armed Attacker Seminar

Sticks & Knives & Guns & Bottles Will Break My Bones

Armed Attacker Seminar

Saturday, 16th February 2013

Saturday 16th of February was the Armed Attacker seminar. UK Krav is not predominantly based on guns, due to the lack of them in general street crime. As a result we focus mainly on knife attacks in classes. After all, the average Chav mugger has free and easy access to his mother’s cutlery drawer, but finds it harder to get hold of something that fires bullets.

Knowing this seminar had sold out a week or two in advance (with Bartosz booking “the other half of the sports hall” to allow for extra people) I was keen to attend and try a different side of Krav Maga.

First of all, it was great to see people from other clubs. I chatted to a couple of guys who had come from the south of England, one from London and the other Bristol. I also got to meet members of the other Krav Maga Midlands groups, which was cool as we rarely interact apart from the occasional social event or when people borrow another group, either due to missing their regular session or taking Option 2 on the payments scheme (the right to attend any and all classes that KMG Midlands holds in a week).

Have to say that the warm-up brought the kid out in me. So much fun chasing some bloke around a huge sports hall along with 50 other people, playing Tig. After that brief burst of cardio, we cracked straight on with knife attacks.

This was something we’d covered in classes but it was good as it put some shine on the rust and meant we slid straight into it. The much larger space to train in was appreciated. While Krav teaches you to fight and defend in ANY space, be it confined or vast, it’s good to know you won’t be smacking the back of your head into the pair training behind you (although I’ve no doubt that would be blamed on me neglecting to scan after attacking!)

After that we moved to 4 feet-long sticks. Thankfully the wooden sticks we used had foam sheathing but still gave a whack if you got them across the head or forearms. This was my favourite part of the seminar, as there is something immensely satisfying about taking a big stick off someone. My partner was annoyed that I wouldn’t let the stick go unless he actually made me and mimed kicking my knee cap, saying “if I kicked you there, you’d let it go!

I replied “yes, but you’re NOT kicking me there. Adapt!”

The best one of this whole section of training was the move that meant you forced your assailant’s arm up behind his back by twisting the stick, and put him on his knees. It is quite fiddly to do properly, but brutally effective if done right.

Finally we did gun disarm training. Personally I’m hesitant about this, as I believe you have to be VERY calm and sure of your abilities to even dream of thinking about taking a pistol off someone, let alone one being pointed in your face. However, Bartosz partially covered some of this, saying that some guy pointing a gun at you in the street is probably assuming you will do what he wants just because he is holding the pistol and won’t expect an unarmed “victim” to attack.

My other phobia on this one was the fact that the dummy guns were pistols with slides on the top. The disarm move taught us to grab the top of the gun and twist it away while stepping clear. I had evocative images of a real pistol in a real situation, accidentally firing in the struggle and breaking at least one of my fingers as the slide activated. Bartosz again covered this aspect, without anyone asking him, by saying that if you grip the top of the gun and the trigger is pulled, then the gun will jam and then have to be cleared and reloaded before it can be used.

Nicest part of the whole thing was finding out that if you take a pistol off someone properly, there’s a fair chance you will break their index finger as it’s going to be trapped in the guard.

Needless to say we threatened each other with fingers WELL clear of the dummy pistol’s trigger guard.

To round up, we had a pressure drill of one guy attacking a punch bag held by another student….while 3 or 4 guys came at him with a gun, a knife, a stick or a bottle (as the bottle moves are the same as for sticks or knives). I was in a group of 6 where me and a couple of other guys made a point of throwing the weapons away from us once we got them off the attacker. Made me smile when one or two people handed them back politely, then carried on punching the bag waiting for the next attack.

One thing I didn’t expect was the attendance certificates being awarded one at a time. We lined up against the wall and the names were called out with guys walking up and getting a round of applause from us, and a handshake off Bartosz and Russell. A nice touch and the perfect way to end this.

Really good day and the best fun I’ve had at Krav apart from my P1 grading. Just wish my forearms didn’t look like someone’s been at them with a steak tenderiser.