The No Ledge

Not entirely about Krav Maga and was originally on my other blog LANCE COWBOY but has relevance with regard to Krav, common sense and situational awareness.

WARNING: Contains words ruder than "groin".

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Recently some rather effective yet wonderfully simple postings have appeared on social media demonstrating what sexual consent actually means. One or two go further still and demonstrate what rape actually is.

Twist is that they don't feature any mention of sex or violence but instead focus on everyday events that we might get involved with. The most popular involves offering someone a cup of tea and the various ways that scenario could end up, with a simple "yes", a definite "no" and people changing their minds once the tea has been made.

As effective as these ads actually are, one thing they don't address is the subject of common sense in the face of peril.

I went to sixth form college and later university in the late 80s and early 90s. In this era you had angry young men and wofems who wanted to put the world to rights. Armed with their A Level + educations, grasp of advanced vocabulary and size 6 Doctor Marten boots, they stormed the corridors of students' unions across the UK eradicating misogyny. Gone would be the concept of a woman "asking for it". Forever consigned to the patriarchal pile of garbage would be the idea that a woman who was raped or sexually attacked had somehow misled, enticed or seduced her rapist. A disgusting trait in previous decades was the ability of defence counsel in cases of both rape and child sexual abuse, to accuse a victim via cross examination of having somehow consented to what happened. Bad enough for a woman over 18. Horrendous for a child.

So...the laws adapted and changed, and the likes of Andrea Dworkin and Germaine Greer pushed forward ideas that were picked up on and had a huge effect on society. Two books popular in the 1970s were The Female Eunuch by Greer and The Women's Room by Marilyn French. My own mother read the Women's Room and didn't speak to my father for a week. Not that he was a bad husband, was sexist or mistreated her but because he was a man and this book had opened her eyes to the atrocities committed by menkind over endless aeons.

Kind of pathetic really.

Over years the rights of women slowly realigned to match those of men. From the suffragette movement to the rise of radical feminism all the way through to a woman trying to sue a pub for sexual discrimination because the barman said a Yorkie bar "isn't for girls"...everything tried to take on an even keel and become fairer.

Most important on this list of changes to the world of the communal sauna, was the concept of consent. When I was at Uni a lad I knew pulled and took home a female Physics student wearing a "No Means No" T-shirt. He was a hero for about a week for what we perceived was the equivalent of trying to shag a porcupine that had dipped its quills in cobra venom.

No most definitely did mean NO. None of that sexist "no means maybe" crap. No blaming of clothing (or lack of). Everything was now down to the man. He had to make certain that he received a "Yes", preferably in the presence of the woman's lawyer with the Pope and the Dalai Lama as witnesses. A "No" was to be obeyed and never ignored. The "No" was the 11th commandment that Moses had brought down from Mount Ararat and accidentally dropped before he got to the people. No meant not only "no" but also "I'll cut your fucking dick off".

This is in itself a great idea. However, it needs backing up with a little thing called Common Sense, a small portion of Awareness of Environment and last of all a helping of Perspective.

An example I can give from personal experience is the night on holiday in Greece when I got off with an attractive blonde French woman in a taverna. We were both drunk and snogging passionately at the bar. I also got my hand up her tight fitting, little black dress and had a good old fiddle (something I wouldn't have done sober and an event which apparently traumatised a friend of mine, who was there at the time, so much that he went home. (Quote: "Right in front everyone, she even had her leg up on the bar to make it easier for you!!!!") We walked home and had a repeat performance on the bridge near our respective hotels. She then decided she wanted to call it a night and go home...alone. I tried to persuade her but ultimately accepted that she'd changed her mind and mooched off back to my digs, with a huge erection and the utterance of "SHIT!!!" the only epitaph to my unrequited lust. Back of my mind for the next couple of days was the paranoia that I'd done something to piss her off, that I was too drunk and that maybe she thought I was a minger. I saw her again a week later and asked her why. She said that she'd taken it as far as she wanted to and that was enough.

Great. My adherence to my education in the rights of consent had meant that while I went home a little insecure and horny, she went home safely having decided where the line was drawn. We are still pals to this day and I saw her again this summer and we did a road trip with another friend (the guy who was traumatised by our performance in the taverna). We laugh and joke about the whole thing now and it's simply another story to tell when we get together.

However....both the witness who went home traumatised AND a couple of her female friends have told her that what she did that night was naive and somewhat stupid. Looking at it objectively she kissed a guy she'd only met an hour before and let him grope her in public. She then walked home alone with him down dark, badly paved lanes (the place we were in regards street lighting as an optional extra) where she repeated the kissing and groping. She THEN decided she'd had enough, turned her back on the guy and walked away.

Now I was simply disappointed and needed to go home and knock one out. However, while focussing on "what consent really is" the current system doesn't try to stress the importance of taking care of yourself. You will hear many tales from the police, warning people of going to certain areas or avoiding parks at night. But you WON'T hear stories of caution that advise against wearing a short skirt and no knickers while out clubbing and then getting off with someone who you decide you only want to kiss. This would send the Angry Young Wofems into paroxysms of rage, as it would appear to suggest that it was somehow the lady's fault if the bloke went too far.

I have every right to walk unmolested down any street or through any park in the UK at ANY time of night without being attacked or abused. Reality is that there are some places you simply don't go to as not even cops will attend calls there unless they are double crewed and at least one has a stun gun. A story that always makes me smile was of a black belt in Karate who walked through a notoriously violent park one night, believing that his badassery in martial arts would protect him like Captain America's shield. Within 5 minutes he got stabbed with a syringe full of blood by a mugger. His right to walk through that park and his right to feel safe. Common sense would be to walk the long way round and avoid the park completely. It wasn't his fault that the horrible cunt stabbed him, it was the horrible cunt's fault. But this could all have been avoided if he hadn't decided to do something he could have just avoided.

But I digress...

Not all people are "nice". Not all people have seen videos talking about how consent is like a cup of tea. Fewer still have had formal education in what amounts to withdrawal of consent. Focussing only on what consent is and isn't while removing all responsibility for placing yourself in potential danger in the first place is cretinous. Any man (or woman) determined to get what they want, will regard a partner crossing certain lines as consent in itself. Then through lust, malice, misinterpretation or simply not giving a shit, the situation gets bad. Fact the assailant may later face criminal sanctions won't help matters if a rape occurred

Something I saw recently that made me angry was "Rape Proof Underwear". This innovative breakthrough from a clueless bint across the pond, assures wearers that the knickers CANNOT be cut off or removed without the co-operation of the wearer. Line that had me spraying coffee and biscuits over the laptop monitor was "Ideal for a first date." Err...if you even THOUGHT about wearing that to a date, maybe the dude isn't boyfriend material?!! This ridiculous idea also fails to take into consideration that rapes are rarely due to sex alone. A woman wearing penis proof panties would be unlikely to put herself willingly in a situation where a bloke would get to see them. This suggests that they are great only for rohypnol or an unexpected assault. Doesn't take into account the violence that would possibly be inflicted by a). A would-be rapist who decided to just beat up the woman now he can't fuck her or b). The damage to flesh that would occur by someone trying to cut or even forcibly remove the Anne Summers equivalent of a panic room.

In the Israeli self defence system (NOT a martial art) of Krav Maga the instructors will ALWAYS tell you that the safest option in ANY confrontation is to either avoid it completely or walk/ run away. One thing that resonated was when my instructor said: "You can't win against a knife. If they want your money, your watch, your car keys then give them over. If they want more than that, then these skills may help you."

So Krav Maga doesn't say "Go out and kick some ass, you are now free to roam around doing knife, stick and gun disarms to your heart's content (and don't forget the groin strike)"...what Krav is is a pragmatic form of self defence that teaches common sense and leaving your ego by the door.

What I would like to see is both "This Is Consent" training and also a dosage of "This Is Potentially Unsafe" to back it up. A 15 year old making out with his or her boyfriend? You don't want to go all the way, then be aware of what situations may make it difficult for you to back up a "no" with something other than saying "no" again. A woman walking home alone with a guy she's just met, snogging passionately and a bit of downstairs insideys? Don't veer more than 20 yards off a populated area where there are people. Think a threesome is good fun? Great, make certain you absolutely trust the other two people involved.

A former girfriend got into bed with me after the second date and while "stuff happened" I didn't even attempt to have full sex with her as she'd already told me earlier that evening that she didn't want to go all the way. I thought nothing of this until days later when she said, "I don't think you know how much that meant to me. You didn't try just because I'd said no. Had you fucked me I wouldn't have regarded it as rape because I had put myself in that position with you." I replied that while I'd wanted to, her expressed intention to NOT fuck me meant that I felt obliged to respect what she'd said. I also added that it was fairly eye opening that she regarded it as 100% her own responsibility for being naked in bed with me while making out.

Bad people roam the Earth as do good people. The rules and lessons on consent apply the same way laws do. An armed robber doesn't think about getting caught as he or she is focussing solely on getting the job done. A distraction burglar targeting vulnerable, old people doesn't care that they are wrecking lives and stealing items of priceless sentimental value, they only think about the haul. Yet in these cases a bank will install security measures and train staff on how to react should such an event occur. Police constantly tell the elderly to secure their valuables and keep a chain on the door.

Now maybe we can see something along the lines of, "This is consent....but this, this and THIS are where it may be difficult for you to withdraw or deny consent."

Brace Yourself

I have a snapped ACL (anterior crusciate ligament) in my left knee. It broke in 2001 and I've never had it repaired...but this year I finally will. It aches when I train in Krav and unless I wear not one but two elasticated supports on it, it will sometimes swell like a balloon and hurt like a bitch the next day. I can't go running (advice of a sports masseur/ knee specialist) and flexibility on that leg is piss poor (kicks to anywhere higher than an opponent's belly button are in the realms of fantasy). I have always regarded this injury as debilitating and something that has affected my ability to be fully effective in both Krav and the rest of my life. Last week I flew to Crete for 4 weeks holiday and made doubly certain that I packed BOTH knee supports for when I go to join Krav Maga Chania, a club on the island who have invited me to train with them.

Today I was hanging out at the beach with a few pals and got introduced to an Australian girl with a broken foot. I initially believed that her foot HAD BEEN broken and now had healed...but was probably still a bit sore.

Turns out that her foot was STILL broken and was in the process of healing. She had come to the beach with her pals, but as its access is via a rocky cliff face only...she had gone to the neighbouring beach and then swum round to join her mates....who had carried her foot brace in a bag for her. Already impressed by this I was even more inspired when she swam back round as we were leaving, rendezvoused with us at the top of the drive leading to both beaches, strapped on her brace and then clopped off down the road...at a pace slightly faster than my normal "On Holiday Stroll."

She snorted at the idea of taking a cab from the taverna 10 minutes further down the road and after we'd stopped there for lunch we walked back along a trail that required climbing fences, navigating goat paths and walking through olive groves. She didn't moan or complain once and when I asked if the brace didn't sweat a bit, she replied that it came with a sock but she'd stopped wearing it and that it now "chafed a bit" but didn't elaborate further.

On the final stretch of the walk home she asked where a good bar with dancing could be found and also a decent beach for snorkelling. She added that it should be relatively close to Plakias but only because her foot meant she was limited in range.

Meeting her today has made me realise that a LOT of what's holding me back is not actual injury or obstacles but my perception of them. While I'm not so bendy on my left side any more my main worry in training is what MIGHT happen due to the ACL being in tatters...not the fact that it actually is.

"In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision."

– Dalai Lama

The Bonus Material

Like a decent Blu-Ray, Krav Maga has a lot of supplemental material thrown in. Not only do I now feel more confident physically but I've recently realised just how much “good” stuff I get thrown in for free.

For example...

1. Feeling useful

I like to feel useful. I like to feel I've helped someone. I also like to reassure those who look like they need it. At inductions this is entirely possible due to the newbies that turn up. You know the scene. Non club t-shirt, no groin guard and so queasy they look like they are about to audition for X Factor. A simple introduction and handshake seems to be appreciated and I try to partner newbies during the initial part of the lesson (at inductions with KMM we focus on the basic strikes for a while). I also attempt to be reassuring. Something I used to do and I see other people do if they're new, is to apologise whenever they hit their partner or successfully put them on the floor.

E.g. During “try and touch your partner's chest while they try and prevent it” you can hear a lot of embarrassed “Sorrys” and “You OK?” when someone gets through the other's guard. Also during headlock releases you can see the looks of unease on inductionees as bodies thud to the floor after having their faces grabbed. Again, being reassuring to those who aren't used to this can work wonders and put them at ease.

Best way to some this up would be “Feel free to kick my groin, it's protected. If you aim for my leg to try and be nice then that's gonna hurt!”

2. Self confidence

This gets a boost due to the longevity of me doing Krav for 3 years. If you spar with someone you know is better than you, and even ONCE manage to land a hard roundhouse or right hook...then you feel great. I've never been a fighter and being able to face guys much better than me and, win or lose, walk away after touching gloves with your opponent it makes you feel much taller. Feeling that the techniques are coming together into a coherent pattern that you have incorporated into your muscle memory is cause for jubilation.

This ripples out to other areas of my life so I am less agitated in social or even work situations as I feel I can try more things and give them a good go.

3. Paranoia Killer

I've always been a bit paranoid. Currently take Propranalol (try saying that drunk) in mild dosages to combat anxiety. It works wonders but a mixture of the beta blocker and Krav have made me realise that the world isn't out to try and hurt or upset me and, as Imi Lichtenfeld once said, “so that one may walk in peace.” Being able to walk down the main street without feeling anxious, nervous or (at night when the drunks are out like something from The Walking Dead) scared...is a great feeling.

4. Ego Compacter

Another thing I've always had is a big ego. Not simply for self promotion but the desire that if something happened that was unjust or unfair then I HAD to do something. I joined the police in 2004 because I wanted to be a hero (and resigned in 2008 after finding out that they wanted anything BUT heroes in the force). I would see injustice and wade in. Like Liam Neeson tracking his kidnapped daughter in the movie Taken, I didn't have a “next step”. I'd simply wade in, with almost no fighting ability, an average size body and an ego that wanted to crush all bullies and perpetrators of injustice.

After doing Krav for over 36 months I can now weigh up a situation and walk away or try and defuse it verbally...without feeling like a pansy. I recently had an argument with a friend of mine who had drunk 6 bottles of Greek raki and was telling the girl I was dating that she “deserved better than Lance.”

Attempts to tell him to back off were met with the response “you want to get into it with me? Coz it won't last long!” and due to my obvious anger, my date got upset. I stayed calm and vowed to speak to my mate when he was sober. Next day he had no memory of the incident and was embarrassed and apologetic. Had my older self been there, there would have been at the very least some pushing and shoving, followed by the two hulking sons of the Greek owner of the pool bar we were drinking in, breaking it up and asking one or both of us to leave.

Krav is about avoiding the confrontation unless necessary. Best comparison was an incident 10 years ago in Moldova when a local guy insulted the woman I was with, Helen, and called her a whore for drinking with foreigners. I was very drunk and followed him into a room (where about 4 of his mates were waiting for him) and demanded he say sorry to Helen. Next thing the barman took my gently by the arm and pulled me away. I felt that honour was satisfied but Helen said to me the next day “I wasn't bothered by him. He was just some stupid guy. Moldavian men sometimes carry knives or even guns. You could have got yourself killed and for what? To prove you are better than him?”

Avoid the fight, don't let your ego put you in the morgue.

5. Fitness

Only after a month in Crete do I realise just how easy it is to get unfit VERY quickly. First two days of my 4 week holiday I was drinking and smoking and not gettng hangovers. Within a week I was sleeping all day and swearing at daylight ("God's Flashlight" as I call post drinking summer sun beams). Getting back into Krav afterwards was hard but now I am back on course and can remember that wonderful feeling of feeling fit. My day job means I do a LOT of walking but cardio fitness is another bag entirely. Being fit enough to survive a P4 grading (see here for that story) is a great feeling and when my body feels strong, I feel I can achieve almost anything. 

Common Sense Before Valour

For the last 4 weeks I've been in Plakias. A wonderful holiday resort in Crete, Greece that my father retired to about 17 years ago. Officially it's a fishing village with an indigenous population of about 150. Unofficially it's a party town from May to October where people go to have a lot of F.U.N.

When I set off I had every intention of visiting a Krav Maga club in Athens on the mainland of Greece and training for one session with a club there. This was all arranged via e-mail before I set out but then life got in the way. The Greek KMG director was at the International Director's meeting in Israel for the first chunk of my vacation and after that my brother got sick so that didn't occur (but will either later on this year or next summer when I go back).

My brother is into martial arts, holding a black belt in Judo and a blue belt in Jiu Jitsu. He also boxes, so set up a makeshift punch bag outside my dad's apartment, hanging from one of the wooden beams, and we had the grand total of TWO sessions on that before the hangovers began to conquer my desire to remain Kravvy.

I'd also vowed I'd continue my regime of 70 inclined push ups every day and 100 abdominal crunches. Happened the first day only.

Reality is, that unless you are very focussed and seriously “into” getting and keeping super fit, a holiday is not the place to try and keep up a training schedule.

I spent a month drinking heavily nearly every day; doing shots like they were going out of style; eating ice cream for pudding meal; gobbling down a full English breakfast about 4 days a week; wolfing down a pitta gyro at least once every 2 days (a kebab with chips in it); and having hangovers that made me contemplate genocide. I did virtually no exercise (couple of scuba dives, some swimming and a lot of walking) and would sleep in till about lunchtime most days

Bottom line is that I'm now officially unfit. As much as I want to go back to Krav and train with my club again, I'm also well aware that my body needs just a little TLC before I throw myself back into this. My chief instructor Bartosz is one of the best there is, and being that good he expects a commitment from his students that I'm normally happy to give. Last year though, I came back from Plakias after a month of doing whatever the hell I liked, and nearly puked during the warm up...about 5 minutes into the session.

So this year, I've got a different plan.

On the plane from Crete to London I ordered a cup of tomato soup and a pot of lentils with spicy couscous (menu option 5), even though I was salivating at the thought of a bacon and cheese hero sandwich, a cup of filter coffee and a Twix chocolate bar (menu option 2).

I landed back in England yesterday morning at 2am (Saturday 12^th July) and slept like the dead until about 11am once I got home. I had bran flakes for breakfast, and made some soup and had a fruit smoothie for lunch and dinner. That night I chilled out in front of the TV with season 2 of “Sons of Anarchy” and again slept like the recently deceased until 11am today. I went for a bike ride of 5 or so miles (about half the distance I usually go) and came back and had a cup of soup for lunch.

I know guys who hurl themselves into Krav at every given opportunity, even if hungover or ill. Problem is that that usually invokes further issues and even possibly prolonged absence from training due to making their bodies feel a hell of a lot worse. Having trained while “under the weather” I know how you must feel at least 95% fit in order to gain anything from sports, especially something as cardio-based as Krav Maga.

My body is different now to how it was a month ago. I've gained about half a stone, I have a lot less stamina and my endurance is low. Not to mention that anyone using the toilet after me currently needs to take a canary in a cage in there with them.

Either later this week or early next week, I will return to my club and get stuck in. I'm itching to go back there now, but won't. One of the things Krav has showed me is that sometimes it pays to be patient and not run but walk.

So that one may walk in peace. Not fall to pieces.